The Interview – Lee D Thompson

The Interview

Before the interview begins, you have an opportunity to make any admissions of guilt on the screen in front of you. Please use the e-pen provided and fill in the box.

Thank you. Can you please state your name and date of birth.

Thank you. This interview is being recorded. We are in interview room 7. The time is 21:21 hours on Tuesday 15th March. Can you confirm that there is no one in the room other than yourself?

Thank you. You are reminded of your right to free and independent legal advice. You have chosen not to take that option. You can have legal representation by video link at any time. Can I ask why you don’t want someone to represent you?

Thank you. Your response has been recorded. Please place any hand on the pad in front you.

Thank you. Adjust it a little to the right.

Thank you. That is perfect. You are reminded that your pulse is being monitored throughout the interview. Please place the small green pad at the centre of the back of your neck.

Thank you. That is perfect. Be aware that perspiration and flesh responses are being monitored throughout the interview. I am Version 6.2 of the Virtual Police Interview System, my unique reference number will be digitally stamped onto the interview recording. Body monitor measurements remain confidential and are non-disclosable. Do you understand and agree to continue?

Thank you. Do you agree to any bodily samples being taken from you after the interview has concluded?

Thank you. Do you agree that these samples can be used in evidence?

Thank you for your continued compliance. Please read to me what you wrote in the box before the start of the interview.

Thank you. You may feel a small shock to your body during this process. It is nothing to worry about. It is a normal part of this procedure. Do you understand?

Thank you. Please read again what you have written in the box.

Thank you. That was the first shock. Do you want to amend what you have written in the box?

Thank you. That was the second shock.

Thank you. Please go ahead with your amendment.

Thank you. Much better. You will see a new box appear on the screen in front of you. Please draw what the victim looked like when he was screaming at you to stop.

Thank you. The mouth you have drawn is not open wide enough. I have deleted the first image. Please try again.

Thank you. On the same image you have drawn, please draw what your own face looked like as you were committing the offence.

Thank you. Your eyes are incorrect. I have deleted that image. Please try again.

Thank you. Much better. In a moment, the victim will be brought into the room. Please remain seated with your hand on the pad. I would like you to speak to him and tell him in your own words, how sorry you are.

That is correct, the victim.

I can confirm, the victim. Please remain seated and do not touch the cadaver.

Remain seated.

Thank you. Do you want to add or amend what you have said to him before he is removed?

Thank you. Are you okay to continue the interview? If you need a new pad for your neck, you will find one in the drawer to your left. Moisture levels appear high. A new box will appear on the screen. In it, please draw a picture of the most beautiful place in the world.

Thank you. Confirm, are they palm trees?

Thank you. Palm trees are beautiful. Now, next to the beautiful place please draw what you think God looks like. If you do not believe in God, please draw a beautiful person.

Thank you. Confirm, is that a woman and if it is, is the woman God?

Thank you. The woman is your wife.

Thank you for confirming that she died four years ago. I am sorry to hear that. Next to your wife, please draw yourself.

Thank you. The image has been saved. This image will be emailed to your next of kin. In the box below, please write a message to your next of kin telling them how much you love them.

Thank you. Now, please look at the screen. Remain seated. Your next of kin will respond by writing a message back to you. Please read the message and tell me when you have finished.

Thank you. If you need a tissue, you will find some in the drawer to your right. Now please close your eyes.

Thank you. Please remain calm.

Interview complete. Interviewee photographed in situ and e-mailed to the victim’s next of kin, in line with current legislation.

Time of death: 22:15 hours. Coroner notified. Victim satisfaction survey e-mailed. Interview terminated at 22:16 hours.

Thank you.


Lee D Thompson writes short fiction and poetry in Nottingham, UK. He has previously been published on The Cabinet Of Heed, Algebra of Owls, and Adhoc Fiction.
He regularly writes for Memoir Mixtapes. Twitter: @TomLeeski Web:

Contents Drawer Issue 14

Image via Pixabay

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