The Mother Of All Universes – Gordon Pinckheard

A long time ago, in the multiverse far far away, a Junior Intelligent Designer created a universe. The Mentor wasn’t pleased; there is a career path to be followed, and creating universes is a long way from the simple creation of moons. He knew the Boss wasn’t going to be happy either.

It wasn’t in dispute that Junior knew her moons, but she had gone too far. Universes can be created easily – that’s why there are so many in the multiverse – but getting all the pieces to work together successfully is tricky. Junior had assembled some ideas into a draft architecture and then, without telling her Mentor, had executed the build. The Big Bang was the first he knew of her universe’s birth.

There was no going back. Once the build had been started, it had to be made to work. After the Big Bang, the moons, planets, and stars were taking shape. Junior did know her moons. But the galaxies were a problem. They weren’t orbiting evenly. The Mentor added dark matter. He knew it was a kludge.

And then Junior insisted her universe was to expand forever, speeding up. If this one didn’t, she threatened to build another. Reluctantly the Mentor added dark energy. He checked his figures; 4.9% ordinary matter, 26.8% dark matter and 68.3% dark energy. He’d had to do some serious fixing! This mustn’t happen again; who would expect a builder of moons to birth a universe?

Junior studied her newborn universe. “Let there be light,” she instructed.

The Mentor sought an explanation. “Light?” he asked nervously.

“It’s so you can see,” explained Junior. “It’s an electromagnetic wave, and it behaves like both a particle and a wave at the same time. It always goes at the same relative speed, even if you’re moving. Nothing goes faster than light. Super cool.”

The Mentor’s curiosity got the better of him. “How can it go at the same relative speed all the time?” he asked.

“Time changes,” she answered.

He blanched. How had it come to this? What did Junior think she was doing? This universe was a nightmare! Who would ever understand it?

“Oh, and light is bent by gravity,” she added proudly. “Well – strictly – gravity distorts space-time, and light is travelling along a geodesic.”

There were tears in the Mentor’s eyes. “How are we going to explain this to the Boss?” he asked. “How did you come up with these ideas?”

“Well, I had so many and I had to choose just a few. I rolled dice,” she replied.

“We can’t tell him that,” exclaimed the Mentor, starting to panic.

“Okay,” said Junior. “Tell him I work in mysterious ways.”


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Bio: Having spent his working life writing computer programs and technical documents, Gordon has settled into retirement in Kerry, Ireland, writing short fiction pieces to entertain himself and – hopefully – others.




Image: Trandoshan

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